It's So Quiet

My house just doesn't feel the same this evening. The TV is off. There's no rush to get dinner on the table. And no welcome home hugs and kisses. It's kinda nice, in a sad sort of way. I saw McKenzie and Cris last night, but already I miss them. I think I've called him 3 times to check in, and I am certain he's taking it as a sign I am doubting him (which I'm not) and getting rather sick of me bothering them. I was supposed to help a couple from work learn vista on their computer tonight, but they had some last minute plans come up and cancelled. Now, I have no plans for the whole evening. It's a weird feeling! I have a book I'd like to read, some laundry and cleaning I could work on - but nothing that really has to be done. Plus, I am lacking motivation and I just don't know where to start without a deadline pushing me. Honestly, I'd rather be getting the nursery ready for paint, but I'll be in big trouble if I move the furniture out by myself. Maybe I'll take the evening off and call myself a slacker! Now wheres that Janet Evanovich book? I'm sure I'll be sleep deprived and bleary eyed in the morning, but it sounds SO worth it right now! :)

A Camping We Will Go

We're heading out for little bit of camping tomorrow morning with a bunch of friends and family we meet up with every year. McKenzie is so happy that she can sleep in the trailer she's hardly going to be able to rest tonight. Sadly, I couldnt get off work for the weekend, so I'll head back home Friday night. It was an interesting stragey to pack camping food that was McKenzie friendly, but daddy easy. We'll see how it goes!

Yup, I think he loves me

Cris has an absolute hatred for feet; they disgust him. It doesn't matter whos they are or how clean they may be, even thinking about toes makes him want to gag.

Despite this, he sat down on the couch next to me last night and massaged my feet. With lotion even! Aww. I was so impressed, I am willing to forget the fact that he teased me about having 'man feet'.

However, I fully intend to revisit the subject should he complain if I get the urge to have a pedicure. :)

Ni Hao, Grandpa Ken!

McKenzie has been watching a show called "Ni Hao, Kai Lan" that teaches Chineese. She loves it! This morning I gave her a hug & kiss good morning. She was telling me how happy she was, and held her chest and said "Mine heart super happy!" (something similar to what Kai Lan says at the end of her show) I started to quiz her on some of the Chineese words she has learned from watching.

Me: McKenzie, what does 'ni hao' mean?

McKenzie: Helno (her version of Hello - funny, huh?)

Me: How does Kai Lan say 'thank you'?

McKenzie: Sheh sheh (I dont don't know if I am spelling it right)

Me: What does Kai Lan call her grandpa?

McKenzie (super excited!) GRANDPA KEN!!!!

Maybe I need to take her on a visit to may parents house, huh?

Tuesday Tell All: Taste

Look! Tasty!

I love this picture. Maybe its more about the memories from the day this was taken - rather than the picture itself, but, every time I see this it makes me smile. I remember how incredibly silly she was this day, and how much fun we had - even though it wasnt anything special.

McKenzie and I were eating lunch. We finished everything I had made and she was still hungry, so I sliced up an apple for her to try for the first time. (Before this day I'd never given her the real thing because I had been afraid of her choking; she was only 18 months old.) She had her first taste and just loved it! I remember watching her savor every little nibble and gobble down huge bites. She ate that apple like I had been depriving her of food, and she couldnt get enough of the taste. If I remember right, she ate pretty much the whole thing and every meal for a while afterwards had to feature an apple for desert - she just couldnt get enough!

Potty Training Success!

I think it's finally working... again! McKenzie wants to be potty trained! Including nap times, McKenzie has had only one accident since Thursday afternoon! YAY! She even survived an afternoon playing at the reservoir Friday (where we had our first road side potty experience) and Cris said that this weekend, she has been waking up from her nap to take herself to the potty and then going right back to finish sleeping!!!! However, if you put her in a pull up just in case, she will pee in it every time. Whats up with that?

She was pretty much potty trained when she was about a year and a half, but she got a little sick one day and gave up on the whole thing. It's been on and off since then. Hopefully it sticks this time! I am SO EXCITED! I really dont want to buy two sizes of diapers at once! :) Yay to my big girl!

A Fresh Start

After a crummy day yesterday, I tried my best to shake things off and start fresh. Even after Cris sent me a text message this morning saying "I'm sorry but don't be grumpy k?" I could have let that crappy apollogy (no better than the one I got last night) fester, but I didn't and I am proud. I'm over it and moving on.

This morning I went to the grocery store for a big 'stocking up' food run. The fresh thing must have been on my mind! I bought three times more fruits and veggies than normal. Hopefully we can eat them before they go bad! I spent the next hour or so washing and chopping the food, so we'll be more inclined to eat it. (Maybe instead of grabbing a cookie for a snack because it's easy, I can just as easily munch on some cucumber or broccoli with ranch dip?) For lunch McKenzie and I just had some chicken and spinach salad on crackers and an assortment of veggies. Even though she mostly only licked the dip off of the veggies, I thought the light, fresh lunch absolutely hit the spot. Ahhhh!

The other thing I am trying is changing how McKenzie snacks. Yes, when we're home, she eats pretty good. I let her have one fruit snack or sugary treat a day. But now she's now able to open the fridge by herself and has tried to climb up the shelves to grab a yogurt or whatever she's craving. I've reorganized the fridge so everything thats okay for her to munch on is on the bottom shelf. There's boiled eggs, yogurt, chick peas, grapes and of course veggies. It will be nice to let her choose when she wants to snack, and let her pick her own. I'll appreciate giving her the independence... and hopefully it will help reduce the sugary snacks she convinces daddy to give her on the weekends! ;) To help reinforce the point with her, I am moving the treats to higher shelf in the cubboard (she's been pushing the chair to the counter, climbing up, and getting into the snacks everytime I turn my back) Hopefully, this does the trick, because reasoning, threatening and time outs sure haven't worked!

Most of all, I want to thank all of you for your kind words of support after my last post. It's so nice to have understanding and caring friends! After I lost my temper yesterday, I wondered if it was the hormones getting to me and if I was being overly sensitive. It's SO nice to have my feelings validated and hear the kind words of support. Thanks everyone!

Warning: I am in a foul mood

Cris worked overtime today. It's not a big deal, it wasn't mandatory - he signed up for it because he enjoys it. I think he's worked SO many 60 hour work weeks on salary at his previous job that actually getting paid more for more work is a sort of novelty to him. We'll see how long that lasts. Anyway, I am used to him working long hours, so when he wants to stay late for overtime pay, I dont get upset about it. (most of the time)

But, today he showed up at home 2 hours later than he told me he'd be. And the first words out of his mouth was disappointment that a hot dinner wasn't waiting for him. HELLO?! It's 9:00 at night! I had dinner waiting for him until 7:30, and when he wouldnt answer my phone call, I put it away. I didnt even get a courtesy call saying he was on his way, or that he'd be later than he originally planned. I think I could have handled him being late - maybe even had sympathy that he had worked a long 16 hour day - but those words (intentional, or not) really pushed my buttons. And, admittedly, I didn't handle it well. It set off one of those "we both know we're being stupid, but neither one of us wants to be the one to give in and end this" bickering sessions.

I finished up some laundry and went off to soak in the tub. Sitting there, I of course, felt guilty. I felt bad for reacting poorly, for not understanding that he was probably dog tired and starving, and for not letting the whole thing blow over. And I felt like a bad wife.

Thats definitely not a good feeling to have. Especially since I struggled with "I'm a bad mom" feelings earlier in the day. (Do you mind if I vent a little more?) I was asked to set up a play group for our ward, and today was the first day we met. It was actually a really great turn out, and I was excited it was coming together. I got a chance to meet a lot of the women I didn't know from our ward and I had a really good time visiting with them while the kids played together at the playground. That is, until the topic of work came up. You see, I am definitely in the minority in my neighborhood - most moms don't work. Thats fine. I have NO problem with their choice. If it works for their family and they are happy, I think it is a wonderful plan. However, I do get tired of the critiques of me working. I mean, COME ON!, my daughter is at home with one of her parents 6 days a week. SIX! Mondays she plays at the neighbors house, and I think that is a good thing - there are other kids there and I think she needs the social inteaction. However, everyone I spoke with made a comment about me working. Here are a few actual remarks: "Maybe if you would take the time to open your heart, Heavenly Father could help you change your priorities" or "You are brave. I could never let someone else raise my child!" or "You should try praying to get over worldliness."

Ummm... okay. How do you respond to something like that? I kept trying to remind myself they were just trying to make conversation, but I wanted to grab them by the shoulders, shake them, and ask them if the comprehended what they were saying. Or at the very least, run away.

Maybe the comments bothered me more than they should have. It's a real possibility, considering those are all worries I have pondered during my (still undecided) quest to work or not. I had decided to wait until the new baby is born and see what my feelings were after being home for three months with my girls... but the unanswered questions and feelings and revolving thoughts were dug back up from the dark place I burried them in. Ugh.

Anyway, this afternoon I was playing with McKenzie and I had her laughing SO hard. Her deep belly laughs had my sides hurting. And somehow, that magic laugh - that magic 30 minute laugh - washed away all of the destructive "bad mom" vibes and had me feeling good again. I am this close to marching in her room, waking her up, and tickling her until that laugh comes back. I could totally use some of that magic now. Especially since I don't think Cris will laugh the same way if I go and try to tickle him or read him a story in a silly voice. Too bad things are that easy in a marriage, right?

Tuesday Tell All: Smell

I am still not entirely sure what I want this post to be about. The pregnancy hormones have kicked my sense of smell into overdrive, and when I think about the word 'smell' only the unpleasant ones come to mind. For example: the bathroom at work smells like dead fish first thing in the morning. I walk in and gag as soon as I enter. Each morning this week I have been sitting at my desk in discomfort as long as possible, delaying the inevitable. Strangely enough, the smell disappears before lunch, but the peanut jumping on my bladder doesn't allow me to wait that long. I dont even want to think about a cause for the smell.

Other smells that didn't bother me before but do now: cooking meat and raw potatoes (I think it's because I found a smelly rotten one in the bottom of the bag, and somehow the connection has been established in my hormonal brain)

On the other side of the spectrum, a few of my favorite smells are: baking bread, newborn babies, Bath & Body Works mandarine lime lotion, the smell of a brand new book, the 'new car' scent, freshly washed laundry and the air after a spring rainstorm.